mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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