She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
