Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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