butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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