note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
