You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
