Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
