Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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