Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Someone came in the potted fern
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
