I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
