how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
