sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
