so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
