I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
