I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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