I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
