My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Drake has all the answers
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He has the fingertips of a God
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
