Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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