My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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