I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
