Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
