I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
