There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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