Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
