I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
