I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
