Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
