I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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