Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
