do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
