I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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