Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
