Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
