I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
