If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
