you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
