Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
