god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
