this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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