evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
