how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
