apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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