I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
