Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
