I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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