i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
