Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
