So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
