Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
