i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
