i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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