I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
